Paul Kilzer posted:

Encouraged by the volume of 'Off Topic' posts, I'm posting this.

	Shakespear for the Phlegmatic - 
		or	
	Out damn snot, out!

	The hamster absent-mindedly wiped mayonase from his brow, adjusted 
the clothes pin on his nose and held out the lit match for the odiferous
stranger to light the cigar held in his grime encrusted hand.

	"How is it," thought the smelly one, "that my nature is best
expressed by the unseen namesake of some small furry TV extra-terestial?"

	"Why is it that the one who best defends the validity of my most
respectfull appelation might as well be called `The Bloopster'. Why, in the 
midst of his best response, does he conjure up images of a fictitious six
year-old who claims his life is ruled by a small stuffed tiger? (Calvin and
bobnobob?)

	"Why is some short, fat, balding loser trying to put words in my
head when only an eyeblink has passed since I said 'Chust you vait'? Doesn't
anyone have patience anymore? I'll think when I'm good and ready!"	

(Please excuse any feelings of disorientation while our author changes
modalities.)

	Sometime in the seventies there was a sketch on 'Saturday Night Live'
where they spoofed some jam comercial - "With a name like squashed baby
ducks, you know our jam has GOT to be good. YUM YUM." This makes me think - 
"With a name like short.fat.guy, you know these folks have got to be nice."
Some how I get the feeling that if I could strip my heart of its armour, 
convert it into a bit stream, and send it down the wire, the people in this
news group would be the most likely to treat it with kindness.

	We are born, we get attatched, we suffer, we die.
	And in between we enjoy the squirrels.

	Before lunch, someone says 'You should show some respect...' and I
am filled with ire. 

	After lunch, someone says 'You should show some respect...' and I
am filled with mirth.

	I was born, I am attatched to my stomach, my writing is insufferable,
and I will die. On that day the blue cart will come for me.

I can tell you this, while the blue cart waits for us all, we also wait for it.
Having spent several years chasing the blue cart, I know this for a fact - it
will come and get you when it's GOOD AND READY, and not before. Don't hold
your breath. I've given up chasing, it's not worth how I felt when the race 
was over. And so goes the story of how I got the title of loser. I'll leave
it as an exersize for the reader to figure out the short fat balding part.

Johan - are you there? I'm dieing to know - is your name pronounced joe-han
or yo-han? BTW, I also have fallen hopelessly for someone who was/is utterly
unavailable. I eventualy went on to get married to someone else, become a 
father etc... Few people know it, but a flame still burns for her within me.
She has a life of her own, so I leave her be, but... you know how 'they' say
"Stay Hungry"? Well IMHO unrequited love is a form of hunger, and hunger is
the greatest long term source of gumption I know. I stay away out respect
for her wishes, but there's nothing to stop me from using MY feelings to
my own best advantage. On the other hand, I could use a rest from all
this gumption, so if you ever do figure out a way to quell desire for the 
unattainable, please do tell.

	Signing off while I still have a crude semblance of dignity left,

		-P.K. ( a s.f.b.l kinda guy)