excerpts from The Book of janL with commentaries Chapter 6: GENESIS Verses 23-27: THE HOLY GRILLED janL 6 verse 23-27: 23: I sayeth NAY to the pickles IN the actual sandwiches. If thou puttest the pickles ON the plates alongside of the sandwich, they are therefore a healthy and tasty garnish. But pickles that are cook-ed become floppy and without taste altogether. 24: Therefore, put ye not your pickles atop the cheese, lest they lose their zest. 25: But I say unto thee, to each his or her own cheese. Whilst it pleasest ME to shave the smoked gouda atop the swiss, each person must choose that cheese which best pleaseth his or her own palate, and must force not the cheese preferences of themselves upon others. 26: With this exception: Velveeta is an anathema and an abomination in MINE eyes. Serve not Velveeta, nor any other 'cheese food product' unless thou wishest to be shunn-ed. 27: Nor shall the bread choice be dictated unto thee...may thine own best sense prevail upon thee when selecting the loaf. Only one restraint I place upon thee...raisin toast is RIGHT OUT. *-* COMMENTARY (Ann Norcross) *janL 6 verse 23 In janL 6 verse 23 we see the law about pickles IN the actual sandwiches--prohibited! as opposed to pickles ON the plates NEAR the sandwiches--allowed! The objection is not to the pickles themselves (they are called healthy and tasty) but to the "floppiness" of--no, not pickles--but COOKED pickles. Thus we learn: pickles are not bad; cooked pickles are bad. So we see that IF the pickle could be raw, and crunchy (that is not floppy) AND in the sandwich, that the true intent of the law would be satisfied. That brings us, of course, to the controversial--some would say heretical--open-faced method; a method that is NOT, you should notice, specifically prohibited ANYWHERE in the words of janL. So we see that IF the sandwich is cooked in two open-faced parts, the cheese melting adequately on both slices of bread as they lie side by side in a pan--not too hot, and NO COVER (thus preventing the heresy of the limp crust)--and the UN-COOK-ED pickles added after the sandwich has been REMOVED from the pan, thus preventing any COOKING (clearly prohibited!) of the pickles, then we can indeed have pickles IN the sandwich and still be well within the law. We see that: 1)the prohibition is on "pickles that are cook-ed"; and we have not cook-ed the pickles because we removed the sandwich from the pan before adding the pickles. If there is no pan, there can be no cooking. 2)the intent of the law is to prevent the eating of pickles that are "floppy and without taste altogether." 3)although the first line of the verse SEEMS to prohibit pickles completely ("I sayeth NAY to the pickles IN the actual sandwiches") the rest of the verse show that the true meaning of that line is: "I sayeth NAY to the floppy and altogether tasteless pickles IN the actual sandwiches." Thus, when we find pickles that are not floppy and tasteless, we CAN put them IN the actual sandwich. (See open-faced method above). *janL 6 verse 24 verse 24 confirms, beautifully, that it is zestless pickles that are condemned; and we are implicitly allowed--nay, even invited--to find a way to include zesty pickles in the sandwich. *-* Chapter 17: WISDOM OF janL Verses 8-14: THE HOLY GRILLED 8: I give unto thee the grilled cheese. Shouldst thou take it and enshrine it atop a high pedestal, worshipping it from afar, thou shalt go hungry. 9: Shouldst thou take the sandwich, and bury it in the ground, thinking to keep it safe, thou wilt have naught but a moldy fossil. 10: Shouldst thou take the sandwich apart, dissecting its many and varied parts, to find its inner workings, and the source of goodness contained therein, thou shalt be left with a mess on thine hands. 11: Shouldst thou use the sandwich as a weapon, thou wilt not only have a mess on thine hands, but thou shalt moreover be defeated, as a grilled cheese sandwich provideth very little protection, either as a weapon of assault or as a weapon of defense. 12: Shouldst thou attempt to wear the grilled cheese as a head covering, to protect thee from the rain, thou shalt get wet. Similarly, shouldst thou wear the grilled cheese as a badge or emblem of thy righteousness, thou shalt besmirch thy clothing, leaving it stain-ed and splotch-ed. 13: But whether thou takest the grilled cheese sandwich and slice it, be it lengthwise, diagonally, or into small bite-sized squares; or whether thou preferest to consume it whole; if thou do but consume the sandwich thereunto heartily and with great gusto, thou shalt be bless-ed. 14: And shouldst thou share the sandwich, whether sliced or unsliced, cut precisely or unceremoniously ripp-ed in two, with another, thy blessings shall not be lessened by half; nay, I say unto thee, they shall intead be increased two-fold. *-* Chapter 3: TOOLS Verse 2: THE HOLY GRILLED 2: If thy cheese grater be well sharpened, therefore ye may make use of it. But beware: prepare not the grilled cheese sandwich from grated cheese, if thou hast not the time to clean thoroughly each little hole of the grater once it hath been us-ed.