The Opening of the Egg Sermon, 9 February 1997
Thus Have I Heard:
   Ha!  Ned dribbled off into a quiet eddy of the fallopian tube
   as the first wave of 10 million spermatozoa plodded past him,
   flip-flopping their way toward the egg, each of them chanting
   methodically "Not you, me oh, ring that key hole..." over and
   over again.  
 
   Their laughter and joviality ceased as they approached the egg.
   Her enormous size overwhelmed each of the tiny thrashing sperms.
   The first 10 million crowded around her, banging and slamming
   their tiny bodies into the egg's impervious sides.  The chanting
   became more frenzied and frantic, "Not you, me oh... NOT YOU,
   ME OH...  NOT YOU ME OH!..." yet still the gargantuan egg refused
   any of the 10 million pitiful attempts by the first wave of
   sperms.
 
   Finally a subtle change occurred in a small section of the 
   surface of the egg.  The 4,359,726th sperm in the first wave
   (whose name was Ernest) detected a small variation in the 
   granite-like surface he had been banging his head against for 
   the last hour.  Where previously a sheer wall had been, there 
   now appeared a softening, even a small gap!  So Ernest rammed
   his round little head into the widening crevasse, and... POOF!
   He was in!  The entire surface of the egg changed instantly, 
   hardening into impenetrable shell.  The genetic content of the
   egg's nucleus accepted the new material, and modified its nature
   in preparation for growth.  The egg had made her choice!

   Ned Ludd