Polenta, the Musical. It all started innocently enough, when Rob Young wrote: >>There is a rumor going around that some of you are conspiring to write >>a musical about pol... polen... po... you know. but from there, it just sort of spiralled out of control... *-* Karen McKormick: "Deeeeeear kindly Seargent Krupke ya gotta understand, It's just Maura's experiments are gettin' outa hand! Our Priestess says we gotta give polenta to Rob a lot - Goodness gracious, god that pan is hot!" *-* P.K. Harvey: There's a plate for us! Somewhere a plate for us! Hold this fork and I'll take you there! Hold this fork and we're halfway there! Polenta! Polenta! We'll find a new way of dining. We'll set the Ape King to whining... *-* Diane Brodson, to the tune of Old MacDonald Had a Farm: Young Java Master filled his plate-- EEEIIIEEEIIIOOOOOOO Corn Meal Mush he'd 'preciate!!!! EEEIIIEEEIIIOOOOOOO With a butter pat here Some parmesan there--- Here a bite, There a gulp, Everywhere a yum-yum sound-- Ol' Robby's fate: Polenta Bound!!! EEEEIIIIEEEEIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *-* Paul Kilzer: All together now!! Ohhh, I wish I were a batch of Pete's Polenta That is what I'd really like to be-eeee! 'Cuz if I were a batch of Pete's Polenta Then everyone would be in love with me-eeeeee! *-* Diane offered new fodder for the corn meal mill: Oh Excellent! Being the Polenta Musicale Extravaganza's Librarian I have been compiling a list of rhyming words for the Polenta theme. (There is a decidedly Italian flavor!) benta (as in outa shape he's benta...) centa (as in the plate cost 50 centa) cementa (like overcooked polenta) denta (it hardly made a denta...) excrementa (heheheheh) fenta (feeling kinda fenta...) Hey! it works for Emily! fermenta (left alone to fermenta) genta (he ate just like a genta...) henta (he didn't have a henta...) Another Emily rhyme meanta (one more plate he meanta) renta (ate so much polenta, he couldn't pay the renta...) senta (as in heaven senta..) tenta or intenta venta or inventa wenta (that-away-he-wenta) (Good for the Torreador version) YENTA!!! (Okay so it's multicultural polenta) and last--but by no means least---(drum roll) ZENTA!!! *-* Pete Watters: Forget that linguine al dente if Rob Young you want to tormente. Whip up a batch of polenta, it'll bring him close to dementa. but of course, the whole thing still needed a title, so Pete offered: Okra-homa? ("Our polenta is a great polenta...") An American in Polenta ("I'm singing in polenta, just singing in polenta..") The Mush Man ("76 tureens of polenta there...") *-* Trinlay Khadro did some cultural research: wow! did you see that news announcement... the Tibetan folk theater will be doing their production of the "Polenta Musicale" just for Rob's visit... they're currently doing their research into American custom dress... *-* and Brian Drummond discovered: And the obscure Vajrayana sect in Siberia will contribute a performance of Cossack dancing to an ancient Cossack folk song, known throughout Russia: in traditional costume they enter stage left, and as the music starts they fold their arms, and jump from a squatting position alternately throwing out one leg then the other... try it sometime! The music starts slowly,in triple time, with a heavy accent in the second beat, and swells in volume, and gets faster and faster... "Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is good! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is yum! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is food! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is fun! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is good! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is yum! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is food! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is fun! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is good! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is yum! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is food! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is fun! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is good! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is yum! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is food! Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, Po-LEN-ta, is fun! HEEEYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! " *-* Just when we thought it might be over, PK Harvey, by now the polenta lyric king, dished up some more: Oh? Well here, let us sing you a little song to remind you! (A hot band with lots of horns and a latin-sounding rythm section kicks in with a hot staccato beat. Swirling groups of brightly dressed dancers, boys and girls, careen across the screen) Girls: We like to eat where polenta's served! Life is so sweet where polenta's served! Our favorite treat when polenta's served! Boys: I prefer meat if polenta's served. Girls: Everything great when polenta's served! We cannot wait til polenta's served! We're never late when polenta's served! Boys: We really hate when polenta's served. (Juanita and Roberto Y. square off face to face) 'Nita: Eating polenta is so fine! Roberto: I prefer burgers and cheap wine. 'Nita: Corn meal and parmesan, yum yum! Roberto: I can't believe you are so dumb. Girls: I eat my fill when polenta's served! No common swill when polenta's served... *-* Tension was building,... weaker readers were dropping off like flies,... ROb Young was especially affected: Strange emotions begin to rise within me. The store was nearly empty. I felt somehow fate had a hand in arranging this inescapable meeting. I leaned forward to read the label on the top tube... IT WAS PO... PO... PO... PO... PO.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *-* P(olenta)K Harvey brought on more: Yes! It's working! He's starting to have flashbacks! More eyedrops, Maura! (The scene is a small neighborhood health food diner, at closing time. A beautiful, dark skinned young woman in a virginal white dress is closing up. She's visibly excited. Tonight is the big potluck supper and youth mixer at the zen center, the first that her parents will allow her to attend. She crosses to the diner's counter and seals the lid (after "burping" it, per instructions) on the plastic bowl that holds her offering for tonight's dinner. She lifts the bowl tenderly, dreamily, to her breast and begins to waltz it around diner's floor. She begins to sing.) It tastes gritty. Oh so gritty. It tastes gritty and cheesey and grand! And I pity, the polenta-less throughout this land. Chorus: Lala lalala la la la-la-la What's this yellow mass in the tupperware? What can this delicious mass be-e? Such a yummy smell, Such a yummy taste, Such a yummy food, Yummy just for me! It tastes gritty. Oh so gritty. It tastes gritty and bulky and warm! In this city, there's no other food with half the charm. Chorus: Lala lalala la la la-la-la... *-* George Bryd punches-up the story: On the way to the potluck at the ApeKing Zendo she encounters the girlfriend of a rival sect-leader, the JavaMasters... To a lilting 12/8 beat of marimba, moracas & woodblock, our soprano begins a colloquy with the rival mezzo-soprano: Soprano: Oh Po-len-ta, so sweet Po-len-ta, Food of the gods, so nu-tri-cious. Am-bro-si-a to my taste buds, How can a human find you lacking? Mezzo: Oh Po-len-ta, vapid po-len-ta, Bland tasteless glop to disgust us. Library paste to my taste buds, Find a garbage can to put you back in. [ Tempo increases sharply to two-bar 6/8 as 3-3-2-2-2. ] [ Girlfriends of both sects appear and form chorus ] Chorus: We love the great taste of Po-Len-Ta! We never waste any Po-Len-Ta! Chickens, we bake 'em with Po-Len-Ta! Goes great with steak, Yes! It's Po-Len-TA! Mezzo: I like the taste of a raw chantrell... Soprano: A tiny mistake and you won't get well... Mezzo: Hundreds of good foods, and you choose this... Soprano: But Po-Len-Ta is so great, you can't miss... Chorus: We like the texture of Po-Len-Ta! No need to lecture on Po-Len-Ta! Paint a great picture with Po-Len-Ta! Any old mixture of Po-Len-TA! Mezzo: I'll cook a flavourful ratt-a-touis... Soprano: Your man he will only say phoo-iee.... Mezzo: I'll garnish it with fresh ci-lan-tro... Soprano: And your man he will tell you where to go! Chorus: No meal should be without Po-Len-Ta! Make such a deal about Po-Len-Ta! That's how we feel about Po-Len-Ta! Come on, get real and get Po-Len-Ta! Mezzo: You have convinced me I can't go on... Soprano: Get out a big spoon and let's have some... Mezzo: Here is a spoon, will you share with me?... Soprano: My TupperWare holds enough, you see... [ Orchestral cresendo as chorus & rivals break out spoons ] [ and wolf polenta from large TupperWare (tm) container ] [ while singing final chorus. ] Everything's great about Po-Len-Ta! Nothing to hate about Po-Len-Ta! Nothing can rate without Po-Len-Ta! We wouldn't date without Po-Len-TA! [ Orchestral vamp on chorus as lights fade. ] [ Chorus & rivals sprint off to zendo potluck ] [ with renewed energy. ] . . . Anybody got the rumble scene ready? *-* The Elritch Dolphknob offered: "Let's go make a pot, "Polenta hits the spot, "Let's go make a bot "And set it boiling..." *-* to which PK couldn't help but add: Just a spoonful of parm'san Makes polenta go down, Polenta go doooowwwn, Polenta go down, Just a spoonful of parm'san Makes polenta go down, In a most delightful way! *-* Pete Waters decided a more operatic tone was needed: I want "Polenta and Bess." It ain't necessarily po... It ain't necessarily po... The things that you're able to lift off the table, they ain't necessarily po... *-* But in the end, for the definitive polenta lyrics, we all must bow to the mighty musical mastery of PK Harvey: Supercornmealfabulosoyummycheesepolenta! Serve it up and you'll soon wonder where the whole bowl went ta. You won't save a little serving, even if you meant ta. Supercornmealfabulosoyummycheesepolenta! yum-griddlegriddlegriddle-yumgriddle-aye! yum-griddlegriddlegriddle-yumgriddle-aye! *-* curtain down